How to calm your nervous system

When you're neurodivergent, it's important that you get to know your nervous system. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because your nervous system may function differently than that of neurotypical people.

Many neurodivergent people have a higher baseline tension in their bodies. I usually explain it as a baseline for stress. If a neurotypical person encounters a conflict, a change or another form of stress, their stress level will typically rise – and then fall relatively quickly again.

For many neurodivergent individuals, the curve looks different. The reaction can be more intense, and it can take longer to return to a state of calm. If further stressors are then added on top of each other, the nervous system can become highly activated before the body has a chance to calm down again.

This is why it's so important that you don't start working on calm only when you're completely in the red. You need to help your nervous system wind down throughout the day – again and again.

Your parasympathetic nervous system needs to be activated several times a day.

Many might think it's enough to meditate a couple of times a week. But the nervous system works around the clock. Therefore, you need short breaks in your daily life, where the body gets the chance to switch to the parasympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic nervous system is the relaxing nervous system. It is what we use when we sleep, digest, breathe deeply, and when our heart rate slows.

One of the important pathways into the parasympathetic nervous system is the vagus nerve. It can be stimulated in many ways – including through the senses, touch, temperature, pressure, and movement.

The most important thing isn't that you do the same as everyone else. The most important thing is finding out what works for you.

Here are things you can try

Use your sight

Some of what you look at can soothe your nervous system.

For some, it's going out into nature and looking at something beautiful: trees, water, sky, or landscapes. For others, it can be lines, shapes, architecture, or repetitions in the urban landscape.

Try to notice what your eyes settle on.

Use fragrances

Scents can create comfort and calm.

Children, for example, can become calm from the scent of their mother or father. As an adult, you can also use scents consciously. This could be a particular perfume, a scent from childhood, an essential oil, or something else that your body associates with calmness.

But be aware that scents can also be overwhelming if you are very sensitive to stimuli. So try things out carefully.

Use sound and music

Hearing is also a pathway into the nervous system.

Some people find peace in quiet meditation music. Others need music with more sound and energy. There is also music that is designed to stimulate the vagus nerve, and binaural music, where two different frequencies in each ear can affect the brain's rhythms.

The genre isn't what's important. What's important is whether your body relaxes.

Use touch

The skin is one of the body's largest organs, and touch can be very soothing.

For example, you could try:

• Gently stroke your arm, hand, or chest
• to touch a material that feels nice
• to use a soft brush on the skin
• have a piece of fabric, a scarf, or another sensory object at hand
• to find out whether silk, cotton, wool, or something else entirely brings you peace

Many people already do that kind of thing intuitively. It's a form of self-soothing.

Use cold and heat

Temperature can quickly affect the nervous system. Cold, in particular, can activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

For example, you could try:

• holding an ice cube in your hand
• to splash the face with cold water
• to finish the bath with cold water
• at vinterbade, hvis det passer til dig

Many experience a particular sense of calm after the cold. But don't push yourself. Find a method that feels safe and achievable for you.

Use pressure on joints and muscles

In your muscles, there are small sensory receptors that register pressure and movement. When you stimulate them, it can help your nervous system to calm down.

You can, for example:

• press your hands together
• press your body against a wall
• carry something heavy
• light weight training
• exercises where the joints are compressed
• use small pressing movements with hands and fingers

The good thing about that type of exercise is that you always have your body with you. You don't need special equipment.

Take small breaks throughout the day

One of my most important pieces of advice is that you make regulation concrete and regular.

For example, you can set an alarm every hour and do a short exercise. It doesn't have to take long. One minute can be enough to send a signal to the body that it's okay to calm down a bit.

This could be:

• a couple of deep breaths
• cold water in the face
• press against a wall
• gentle touch
• a particular song in the headphones
• a moment where you look at something that gives you peace

Small breaks repeated many times can make a big difference.

Create your own rowing catalogue

When you're under pressure, it can be difficult to remember what helps. That's why it can be a good idea to make your own little "calm-down" catalogue.

Here are 5-10 things that I know or believe can help your nervous system. These can be kept on your phone, stuck to the fridge, or kept in your bag.

For example:

“I can go outside and look at the trees.”
“I can hold an ice cube.”
“I can hear my calm playlist.”
“I can clap my hands.”
“I can touch my soft scarf.”
“I can rinse my face with cold water.”

The more concrete the list, the easier it is to use when you need it.

Peace is something you can practice.

You can do a lot yourself once you understand your nervous system.

It's not about avoiding all stress. We can't do that. But it's about giving the body more opportunities to calm down again before the stress becomes too great.

Small exercises, repeated many times throughout the day, can help lower your baseline and give you more distance up to the point where the body becomes overloaded.

It is not a quick-fix solution. It is something you practice. But the better you get to know your nervous system, the better you can help yourself find calm again.